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The Great Chocolate Conspiracy Part 11 November 12, 2010

Posted by techtigger in Blog Tour, flash fiction.
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Welcome to The Great Chocolate Conspiracy!

Chocolate Digestive biscuits have disappeared from the shelves right across the eastern seaboard of the USA, and now the shortage has spread to London. Detective Chief Inspector Sam Adamson and his international team of investigators from the Metropolitan Police’s Confectionery Crimes Unit (CCU) have been tasked to solve the mystery.

This is the eleventh installment of a multi-part flash fiction story that originated during a chat between the authors on Twitter. You can read how it all began here. (Links to all the installments will be added to the author list as they are posted)

The next installment will appear on Friday, November 19th at Emma Newman’s (aka @EmApocalyptic ) Post Apocalyptic Publishing, and you can keep up on developments in the meantime by following the #GtChocCo hashtag on Twitter.

When Detective Adamson awoke, he found himself tied to a chair in a dimly lit room. The last thing he remembered was an explosion, and thinking, not again. He took a groggy look around the room.  “Motley? Anyone?”

The lights came up, revealing a long table with expensive leather chairs arranged around it. Several ladies sat at the far end – a tiny asian woman in a high-collared jacket sat in the center, holding a white stuffed kitty that she was petting as if it was real.  To her left was an olive-skinned beauty in a tailored suit, with wide, staring eyes and a nervous tic in one cheek. And to their right, sat Gracie Motley.

A vicious smile curled up the corner of Motley’s mouth. “It’s your lucky day, Detective. You get to be the first to meet the new rulers of the world.”  She pointed to large, polished brass letters on the wall that spelled out, FRAPPÉ.

“We’re about to be invaded by coffee?” Sam said.

She rolled her eyes. “No, you dolt.  It is an acronym!  We are the Fraternity of Really Awful People Perpetrating Evil.”

Sam harrumphed at her. “See here now, you’re all women. Can’t be a fraternity without the bait an’ tackle, if you catch my drift.”

Gracie began to spit out a retort, but the asian woman placed a hand on her arm. “Do not let the imbecile rile you up, my dear.”  She went back to petting the toy kitten. “You already know Gracie – a scientist of sweets, who developed an allergy to chocolate in a tragic lab accident.  Thanks to the cheap-skate American healthcare system, she lost the funding to continue her research for a cure.  She now heads up our North American operations.”

“To my left is the head of our Italian office, Angelina. She is a caffeine addict whose office posted a ‘You kill it, you fill it’ sign next to the coffee pot.” She lowered her voice to a dramatic whisper.  “But no one ever did.”

Sam tried to scootch his chair further away from Angelina, who had started to twitch. “Italy. America. Next you’ll tell me you’re in the UK.”

“Not just there, Detective. Everywhere a confectionary crime unit exists, you will find FRAPPÉ.  We are your silent, but deadly opposites.”

Sam snorted. “heh. S.B.D.”

She ignored him and continued on with her obviously well rehearsed monologue. “And of course, there is me. Do you remember me, Sam?  No, of course you don’t, there isn’t room in your little pin head for more than one thought at a time. Do you remember the museum of modern art? You once worked there. You were supposed to guard the international culinary competition.”

Sam furrowed his brow.  “Wait a minute. Ms. Nishi?”

“Yes, I was once the simple culinary artist Nishi. But now I am the EVIL Dr. Nishida!  I would have won that year, if it weren’t for you. My tower of digestive biscuits was a masterpiece. I WOULD HAVE WON!” she said, eyes bugging out a bit. “But You. Ate. My. Entry.”

Sam looked embarrassed.  “Blimey, lady, I thought someone left a pile of biccies out for the guards. It was an honest mistake!”

“IT WAS ART!” She screeched.

“You wouldn’t have won anyway, they were slightly stale…”

“Silence!  You stinking gluttonous round-eye! Can you imagine how I felt when the man who ruined my life became the head of a confectionary crimes unit?  Oh, the irony!  When you, yourself had committed a crime!”

“Allright missy, no need to get your knickers in a twist about it.  What do you expect me to do, apologize?”

A slow, wicked smile spread across her face.  “No Mr. Adamson.  I expect you to buy.”

“Err, what?”

She leaned forward, with a mad gleam in her eyes. “You, and every other biccie stealing, cuppa swilling westerner will pay for my humiliation.  You have been deprived of your favorite treats, but by tomorrow morning, every city and town will find the crisis has been resolved. Oh yes, you will buy. Once you have all had my special brand, you will never buy any other.” The three women joined together in a hearty, Muhhwaahaahaahhaa!

Dr. Nishida touched a button on the table, and the lights dropped. Another button brought up three spotlights, centered on three objects against the wall.  A table with a coffee machine. A pile of quarters. And a vending machine full of digestive biscuits. She smirked at him. “Bon apetite.”

The women got up to leave, and the ropes holding Sam to the chair fell away. As the aroma of fresh brewed coffee curled around him, his hands started to tremble.  He knew they were tempting him with tainted goods, but the machine looked like it had just been stocked…

—-

 

 

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Comments»

1. John Wiswell - November 12, 2010

It’s fun to watch this bebop all over the hashtag community. Thanks for contributing to the string!

techtigger - November 12, 2010

it has been fun watching all the different styles of writing as it’s bounced around. I was going to do noir, but decided to go for a campy Bond villain send-up instead 🙂 Can’t wait to see where the others run with this!

2. Laura Eno - November 12, 2010

Sam ate her art exhibit? Hilarious! Now, what’s he going to do?

techtigger - November 12, 2010

Yesss….a fiendish, but easily escapable trap. All he has to do is *not* eat the biccies…muhhwahaaahaa! 😀

3. Cecilia Dominic - November 12, 2010

ROFL Love the Bond villain setup! Your strategic capitalization made me LOL.

CD

techtigger - November 13, 2010

thanks! Don’t you love it when people speak so that you can hear the capitals? always a hoot 🙂

4. lil_monmon - November 12, 2010

OMFG!! I LOVE Frappé!! Sam’s comment about the fraternity had me laughing so hard, my kids were wondering what was wrong w. me.

Having lived the nightmare of modern artists, and installation pieces, the plate o’ biccies was hilarious.

Well played.

techtigger - November 13, 2010

heeheehee! Glad you liked it! I was giggling madly the whole time I was writing it 🙂 Nice to take a break and do something completely silly

5. Gracie - November 12, 2010

Yeah, the bait ‘n’ tackle had me laughing like a demented person, too.

Of course the villains are named FRAPPE. Too perfect.

And also love the smooth Bond setup. Very nice. Great episode!

techtigger - November 13, 2010

thanks! I couldn’t resist spoofing SPECTER. What self-respecting evil organization doesn’t have an acronym, right? 😉

6. ganymeder - November 13, 2010

I think this is my favorite episode. Well done!

techtigger - November 13, 2010

thank you! I’m glad i got to join in, this was fun!

7. Eric J. Krause - November 13, 2010

The ol’ detective got some great lines in this one. Good episode! I laughed out loud a few times. And, of course, the plot thickens…

techtigger - November 17, 2010

Thank you! I had to give the detective a few zingers, can’t let the bad guys completely hog the spotlight 🙂

8. Deanna Schrayer - November 13, 2010

FRAPPE! How perfect Angie. Fun, fun episode!

techtigger - November 17, 2010

thanks! acronyms, for the win! 😀

9. Icy Sedgwick - November 13, 2010

Oh this is fantastic. Absolutely loved it!!

techtigger - November 17, 2010

thank you! 🙂

10. laradunning - November 13, 2010

How fun! Very humorous! I can see there is more in store. Just what is in those biscuts?

techtigger - November 17, 2010

What indeed… but that’s for the next writer to decide 🙂

11. Sam Adamson - November 14, 2010

Hahahahaha! Brilliant episode! I love what you’ve done with this, and thanks for giving me, err…DCI Adamson some great lines. Blimey, FRAPPE (LAMO’d at the name – it’s perfect) are a bit scary, aren’t they? 😀

techtigger - November 17, 2010

You’re welcome! 🙂 I couldn’t resist casting myself as one of those ridiculous Bond henchmen – you know, the ones that always glare,and crick their necks or knuckles. But instead, I stare and twitch, from too much caffeine *lol*

This was such a great idea Sam, I’m glad you’re hosting it!

12. PamelaJo - November 16, 2010

Great episode. I also loved the bait and tackle line. And so the plot thickens. Will Sam be able to resist the smell of fresh chocolate. Even though he prefers tea, fresh brewed coffee is so tantalizing to the scenes.

techtigger - November 17, 2010

thanks! I figured the coffee is what disappeared along with the biccies, so I went with that. And even if you don’t like it, the smell of fresh brewed is hard to resist 😉 (i prefer tea too 🙂

13. adampb - November 16, 2010

So smooth and brilliant. This is perfect parody and so lovingly done. DCI has some killer lines. The acronym is a winner.
Adam B @revhappiness

techtigger - November 17, 2010

awww, thanks! I’m glad you liked it!

14. Jim Bronyaur - November 16, 2010

FRAPPE???? Amazing. Just amazing. I feel like I keep writing the same comment but holy cow – how does this keep getting better each week???

Once this is all done, I say we force Sam into putting this into an ebook… I would love to read this in one shot.

So much fun!

techtigger - November 17, 2010

heck yeah! I’m sure between us we can all pitch in to make this an ebook. cool idea!

15. Danielle La Paglia - November 27, 2010

I love it! Great motivation and the conversation cracked me up. I love the different styles that each episode has.

16. Mari Juniper - December 1, 2010

bwahahahah! Evil Dr. Nishi? FRAPPE? Oh, this episode is a total winner! I laughed out loud at every line! Way to go, Angie. 😀


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